So many relationships struggle not because of a lack of love but because of the language we use with one another. Words can open a heart or shut it down in an instant.
Think about phrases like “You need to,” “You’ve got to,” “You should,” “You can’t,” “You must.” These are some of the most oppressive words in a relationship. They don’t inspire connection; they create resistance. They leave the other person feeling controlled, judged, or diminished.
If we want our relationships to thrive, we need to shift out of controlling language and into empowering energy. Here are three practices that can transform how you communicate:
1. Become a Powerful Listener
Listening isn’t waiting for your turn to speak. It’s creating space for your partner to share, without interruption or agenda. It’s the willingness to hear their perspective fully, even if it’s different from yours. When we listen without interrupting or fixing we allow the other person to be seen, head and held and this creates trust and safety.
2. Say These Three Words: “I Get It”
This doesn’t mean you agree. It doesn’t mean you share the same perspective. What it means is that you can see and understand why your partner feels the way they do, based on their experiences, their programming, and their emotional state. These three words are like a balm for the nervous system. They let your partner know they are seen, heard, and understood. “I get the way you see the world from your perspective.
3. Ask Before You Fix
So often we rush in to solve or advise when what the other person really needs is presence. Before you jump in, ask: “What do you need from me in this moment? Would you like my perspective, a hug, or just for me to keep listening?” This simple question removes assumptions and gives your partner the gift of choice.
The language we use has the power to save or sabotage our connections. When we shift from controlling to compassionate communication, we create relationships where both people feel safe, valued, and deeply understood.
With love,
Em x
