One of the greatest gifts we can give in a relationship is to truly listen. Not to fix, not to defend, and not to make it about ourselves, but to simply listen and create a safe space for the other person to be heard.
Let me share an example of one of the women I’ve been Coaching and doing energy clearing on recently.
This lady sat down with her husband, feeling stressed and bitter about their financial situation. She says, “I feel like there is never enough money, and I am so tired of worrying about it. I feel like you are not making enough and I am carrying the weight of it all.”
For many men, these words land like arrows. It feels like a direct attack on their worth and their ability to provide. The natural response is often defensiveness, frustration, or shutting down. But what if there is something deeper happening?
In this woman’s background, money was always scarce. She grew up with the story that there was never enough, and that fear stayed with her into adulthood. So when she looks at her husband, she is not only reacting to today’s bank account. She is also reacting to years of programming that taught her to feel unsafe whenever money feels tight.
The most powerful thing her husband can do in this moment is not defend himself, argue, or promise more. It is to pause, listen, and say three words: “I get it.”
These words do not mean he agrees. They do not mean he shares her perspective. What they mean is that he sees her, he hears her, and he understands why she feels the way she does given her background and emotional state. By saying “I get it,” he validates her experience without taking it on as a reflection of his worth.
Instead of reacting to the trigger of being told he is not enough, he responds from a place of presence. He listens with his heart and allows her nervous system to soften because she finally feels understood.
This is the power of compassionate language in a relationship. It shifts the dynamic from blame and defensiveness to connection and understanding.
When we remember that behind every trigger is a story, and behind every story is a human who wants to feel safe and loved, we change the way we communicate. And in doing so, we give our relationships the chance not just to survive, but to thrive.
And of course this works both and all ways. When we start to use the words I get It when someone is sharing their perspective or frustrations instead of adding fuel to the fire we can being to have Powerful Conversations from a place of calm rather than anger and frustrations
With love,
Em x
