When I was growing up, many things happened in a short time. I didn’t realise it at the time because it was just my childhood, but one of the seeds that was starting to grow in me was that I wasn’t safe, and it wasn’t safe to be me. My dad passed away when I was only five. Soon after, my mom remarried, and while her new husband was young and full of life, he was far from the mature, stable figure we needed. We moved away from my extended family, and my memories are pretty limited from that time, but I do have clear memories of when things started to grow wrong. I remember a lot of arguing, my mum being upset a lot and a clear memory of me laying in bed in the dark, terrified, crying and paralysed at the shouting going on outside of my room. When my mum’s second husband left, my brother and I didn’t have a solid bond to fall back on, so it was fair to say I was missing the kind of solid, caring male figures that would have shown me what healthy relationships could look like.
In my late teens and twenties, I started noticing a pattern I now know is typical in people who’ve experienced early losses or unstable foundations. I started looking for love outside of myself and accepting crumbs. I’d let people into my life who didn’t have my best intentions in mind and were abusive and cruel. Back then, I didn’t see it clearly, but looking back, I understand why it felt like that was the love I deserved. I’d let myself accept the bare minimum of love, the “crumbs,” as I call them because deep down, I didn’t feel worthy of more. I’d convinced myself I had to work for love, to chase it, even when it hurt.
It’s taken years of introspection, peeling back layers of old beliefs and stories, to get to where I am now. Byron Katie’s work helped me ask, “Is this really true?” when old wounds would rise up. And Peter Crone taught me to notice how these past experiences were just stories my mind was telling me, not the truth of who I am. Slowly, I began to understand that those beliefs about not deserving real love or acceptance were just survival strategies, remnants of a past that had kept me safe once but no longer served me.
Today, I can say with honesty and a grateful heart that I love and accept myself. I can now attract people who respect me, and if someone doesn’t treat me well, I don’t hesitate to speak up or let them go. Vulnerability, I’ve learned, is not about being unprotected; it’s about knowing I’m strong enough to handle what life brings. It’s been a journey filled with the profound lesson that I am enough, just as I am, and that I fully deserve love.
If you’re on a similar path, know that each step brings you closer to the love and peace you deserve. Remember, you are worthy of nothing less than the very best.
I Love You,
Em
